“Believing isn’t wishing, Grady. What you know with your heart is the only thing you really ever know.” - Dean Koontz, Breathless
For the first time in my life, these last months, since Christmas, I haven't had very much to say.
I think that's a good thing. I am hoping so.
I do a lot of things. I do TNR. I take in cats from the streets in my village. I feed and care take colonies. I take care of sick cats in my home.
The last thing is the most trying, taking care of very sick or chronically ill cats. I imagine most people would put some of these sick cats to sleep. I imagine if I put some of them to sleep I would have more time to better care for the healthy ones. I don't know why I continue on with them except that I feel somehow it is the right thing to do. It's hard to explain my reasoning to someone who is not of my faith, and even to some who are, but then I guess you could argue we are not in the end sharing the same faith.
If you are taking care of sick cats or sick people then you know what it's like. You know how trying it can be. You know how it can turn you inside out and expose your worst weaknesses and greatest shortcomings. You may find out you are not who you think you are. You know first-hand the effects of caretaker's syndrome. You learn what a love without limits actually demands in time, energy, selflessness. You know all about the struggle to remain and become more human.
To value life more than time. To value life more than convenience. To value life more than money. To not try to solve the problems of life with death. To become a real person. To seek God's grace. To be like love. To see a few miracles.
And I guess that's why we do it.
Even when it turns us inside out. Even when we are staring at a horrible stranger in ourselves. Even when it leaves us breathless.
"All will be well, if we do what is right. " - Dean Koontz, Breathless